Losing my religion…

Woke up with another damn migraine. But luckily, the Amerge, a hot shower and breakfast got rid of it.

I re-bleached my hair this morning too. I am officially PLATINUM!

Went and bought a neck supporting memory foam pillow today and am hoping that will help some with the neck pain and headaches.

Bought new manicuring tools also, my cuticles were ragged. My old kit was in a make-up bag and Pearl Piggy chewed it up and the tools vanished I guess because the move happened, so I have no idea…My cuticles feel much better.

Went to Minto Brown Park for Chyann to take some photos for her photography class.

Watching Supernatural. It was just revealed that Chuck is God(I actually knew that several seasons back…) If you were paying attention you would have picked up on that.

As for God….I’ve been wanting to talk about this…

I was raised Christian, baptised, went to church, the whole bit. I don’t feel like in the last several years he is there…he is listening. I kinda feel like he’s vanished…just like in SPN and left all of his children to rot. I don’t know if it’s doubt in his existence, or just a feeling of abandonment. I’ve prayed hard. In the last year and a half, harder than I ever have…and felt nothing, no comforting, no help, not like I was being listened to, or that he cared.

So now I feel indifferent towards him. I don’t care if he is real or not anymore. I’m going to live my life the way I always have and be me…my faith will be with myself, my husband and my child(ren) and my friends. Fuck higher beings…fuck fairy tales, fuck it.

Wow…how Dean is talking to “Chuck” right now, is exactly how I feel.

Sam: Okay. So, wow, um, Chuck – [Chuckles] Well, I guess we don’t call you that, huh?
Chuck: I prefer it.
Sam: Okay, uh, “Chuck” it is. [Sighs] I’m sorry. You’re gonna have to, uh, give Dean and me a moment to start to process. We didn’t even know you were around. I mean, we knew about Chuck, but we just didn’t know about… Chuck. I mean, I-I-I was hoping you were around. I-I-I prayed and I- but I don’t know if they got, uh, lost in the spam or if—
Dean: Sam?
Sam: Yeah?
Dean: Babbling.
Sam: Okay.

Chuck: I’m getting that not everyone’s totally on board.
Dean: Here’s the thing, um…Chuck… And I mean no disrespect. Um… I’m guessing you came back to help with the Darkness, and that’s great. That’s, you know – It’s fantastic. Um, but you’ve been gone a – a… long, long time. And there’s so much crap that has gone down on the Earth for thousands of years. I mean, plagues and wars, slaughters. And you were, I don’t know, writing books, going to fan conventions. Were you even aware, o-or did you just tune it out?
Chuck: I was aware, Dean.
Dean: But you did nothing. And, again, I-I’m not trying to piss you off. You know, I don’t want to turn into a pillar of salt.
Chuck: I actually… didn’t do that.
Dean: Okay. People – People pray to you. People build churches for you. They fight wars in your name, and you did nothing.

Chuck: You’re frustrated. I get it. Believe me, I was hands-on – Real hands-on for, wow, ages. I was so sure if I kept stepping in, teaching, punishing, that these beautiful creatures that I created… would grow up. But it only stayed the same. And I saw that I needed to step away and let my baby find its way. Being overinvolved is no longer parenting. [Sighs] It’s enabling.
Dean: But it didn’t get better.
Chuck: Well, I’ve been mulling it over. And from where I sit, I think it has.
Dean: Well, from where I sit, it feels like you left us and you’re trying to justify it.
Chuck: I know you had a complicated upbringing, Dean, but don’t confuse me with your dad.

That pretty much sums it up…


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