When it’s over…

So I got a couple posts in me today…first I need to actually say my peace about the BFF that is no more…

It was a lot of one sidedness…I would show that I was happy or sad for her and would give of myself…I didn’t get that in return and with certain relationships she was an even shittier friend. A college boyfriend of her almost brought me to tears for no reason other than he was a complete and utter douchebag….and she said nothing to him about it. Her almost ex husband would butt into our conversations and be outright nasty to me saying mean and ugly things, and I don’t know why to be honest other than as it turns out he was a HUGE steaming pile of shit…and her response to him when he did this was to just laugh. Now with her new relationship…every conversation we were having…anything I said involving myself or my family was completely ignored and she would only talk about him and his kids and how happy they were…and great I’m all for that…but why are you ignoring anything I say that doesn’t revolve around you? Her response was “I have a lot going on in my life right now.” ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? And I don’t? Why else would I be trying to talk to my best friend….and I got nothing…then she continued to send me snapchats all self involved with that relationship and I asked her why? She said she was sending them to everyone. I said well stop, in case you haven’t figured out I’m pissed and everything you’re snapping to me only further proves my point! This was answered with “You’re being ridiculous.”

“You’re being ridiculous.”

That was my breaking point.

I spent 20 years being a great friend and when we fought…I was the one who apologized. When her husband cheated on her, I let her come stay with my family for a while. She didn’t want to work, or have any help in figuring out how to manage the little money she did have, she just sat around and moped, and yes I know her life had just fallen apart but we were trying to help. She also kept throwing my daughter under the bus…tattling on her like a little sister tattles…so we told her she had to go stay with her mom. We didn’t talk for a few months and then again…I was the one who went first. I apologized…she never did.

I’ve been afraid to actually cut her off because that’s just me, I give and I’m caring and I hate losing people. But to be told that I’m being ridiculous because I think my best friend should reciprocate the care and everything that I show her and maybe be a little less self involved…show me some support…no I’m sorry I’m done. I will not continue to sit here and be shit on.

Am I sad? Hell yes, my heart is broken…but I have to think about myself…and I’m going to be selfish and ridiculous and continue to operate under the thought that a friendship should be an equal two way street of give and take. I’m done. She still hasn’t tried to contact me…so whatever.

Today I decided to work out some aggression towards her and get some good shit for my ArtisticRageTherapy instagram page…

So I decided to light some shit on FIRE!!!

The first is a page she made for my Wreck This Journal. I cut it back out and burned it…then she made this Perler Bead Ariel to look like my tattoo of Ariel…I melted the fuck out of it!

And I gotta say I feel so much better! I needed that!

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And my personal favorite…right there in the trash with the cat shit!
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I also wrecked the page I had made for us in my smashbook.
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Good Riddance…

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Break Down Here

So this song came out in 2003…and I loved it…but it wasn’t until a year later that I could really relate and understand it. As Frank Ocean once said(and I don’t know if he actually came up with this quote or not) but he said “When you’re happy, you enjoy the music, but when you’re sad, you understand the lyrics.” And this statement is so true and happened with this song in the Winter of 2004. When before mentioned first love broke my heart officially before leaving for a tour in Afghanistan. I felt this song.

Break Down Here – Julie Roberts

And when he got married, I understood these songs.

More Like Her – Miranda Lambert

Didn’t You Know How Much I Loved You – Kellie Pickler

I guess, despite that I am married to an amazing man who is the love of my life…there is still a piece of my heart that hurts from the pain he caused me. Breaking my heart before he left, then getting engaged and married and never once saying anything to me about her and then letting her dictate whether we could still be friends. And we had been best friends for so long. He wasn’t the boy I thought I knew so well.

And maybe I was just too much for him to handle. I’m not quiet, I’m not afraid to share my opinions and I can be crazy and overly passionate. I’m not simple.

Carrie Bradshaw once said, “There are two kinds of girls in the world, the simple girls and the Katie girls…I’m a Katie girl… ”

Some guys just can’t handle a girl like that.

Despite that…

first love

What Hurts The Most Cover by Aaron Lewis