Nightmarish…

Hubby just called, and his dad and step mom are still being ridiculous, I’m not speaking to them right now. And i did tell them what my issues are…they are judgey and preachy and make me feel like they don’t think I’m good enough at all for their family. It’s like they look down on me. I’ve told them this is how I feel in a very detailed manner and gave reasons why…they have no bothered to return the courtesy, so I am not speaking to them. Then he step mom was in town for a conference and I was sick AF with a migraine. I spent 5 hours in the ER to get treated for the damn thing…and I had just gotten home and was sitting in the recliner not talking, lights off still and looking for something mind numbing to watch on Netflix. she dropped by and was talking to Jason and Chyann for a few…asked how I was feeling and that was it I answered and said not good…and then she went home and bitched to my FIL that I didn’t speak to her and I was “Playing on my phone.” I wasn’t on my phone I was on the computer, and I felt like shit after 5 hours in the ER with the worst fucking migraine I’ve had in like 5 years. So sue me! They bitch to him about me like that but won’t address anything directly with me…and the things they bitch about…are a direct reflection of the way they treat me…if they don’t treat me like I’m good enough for their family, why would I want to engage with them???

His mom and step dad on the other hand are great! So down to earth and chill and. honestly, I prefer spending time with them.

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Also I just wanted to mention, if you see any mention of Taylor in previous posts, that is my former best friend and I ended the friendship because she was an awful friend. And I don’t know why I didn’t do it sooner. Instead I let it drag out for 20 years. And now, I feel so much better since I ended it. 20 years is way too long to try and make a friendship work or home someone will change. People don’t change unless they want to and she doesn’t because she thinks she does nothing wrong. She thinks I’m the one who is ridiculous for wanting her to treat me better as her best friend. She is self absorbed and when I tell her she’s not being a good friend, she says “I have a lot going on in my life right now.” Yeah all of which is going well for you, I have a lot of shit and I’m still a better friend. So whatever. It’s done.

I am freezing…gotta put my jacket back on. I hate that my desk is so close to the damn warehouse, I can’t wait until it’s not anymore…UGH this promotion is taking forever to get here….lol I’m so excited I just want to train my replacement, change my schedule and start my new job. Kevin still hasn’t made a decision on the new me yet though…

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So I didn’t sleep for shit last night, and it was because I kept waking up from nightmares. I can’t figure out why…I only remember two of them. And they were both Lucid dreams, which for those who don’t know means you are asleep and dreaming but completely aware of it and can even feel things in the dreams at times, but you are completely unable to wake yourself…and anytime I have a nightmare it’s a lucid one.

The first was that I met my hubby at a shoe store. And when he stood up and turned around to look at me something awful had happened to his right eye. It was all bloody and like part of it cut off and hanging on by a tread…and I do mean part of the eyeball….and what so bad here is that eye trauma makes me, not just squeamish, but completely FTFO! I just can’t handle it. Seeing it or hearing about it….i can’t do it, it makes my skin crawl.

The next was the last one I had before I woke up this morning and actually got out of bed. No part of this was based in reality at all…I was walking down the street of my neighborhood with an old lady from my block, very sweet little thing. She stumbled and collapsed in another neighbor’s driveway. I rushed to her to help her up but she was unconscious or dead…I’m not sure which because of what happened next. The garage door opened up and the guy that lived there was a cop, guy looks just like the actor Nestor Carbonell. He comes out of the garage and I start to try to explain what happened. He rips his uniform shirt off literally popping buttons and throws it and then takes off his white under shirt and throws it and he is looking crazed as hell and he reaches into his garage and grabs a machete and starts stalking towards me and I run. Leaving the old woman there. He stalks a long slowly after me and I am freaking. I run into my garage which is open and for some dumb reason that’s where I hide. I drops to my stomach and hide under a bunch of empty cardboard boxes. I think my hubby and I had just moved in, he is not home right now though. The cop comes to the old lady’s driveway and gets in her car and hot wires it or something and he sets the thing on fire from the inside and then pushes it or rolls it, whatever down to my driveway. I’m under all the boxes shaking like a leaf but I can see out through a crack between two of them, and I see the car roll up on fire and then I see him stalking closer still carrying the machete towards me and coming up towards my garage. I’m trembling like crazy afraid he’s going to find me and I shut my eyes tight to try to focus and stop trembling. But doesn’t happen. Then the boxes start moving and uncovering me and I open my eyes and scream but it’s not him, it’s my hubby. Who is not Jason, but instead Christian Kane, and he looks at me imploringly and I lunge at him and hug him and that’s when I woke up, completely out of breath just like I was in the dream. I felt everything all the real emotion, the sweating, the terror and the relief.

So I have no idea what caused all of this, but yeah…it sucked.

TGIF…

I am up way to goddamned early!!! I woke up at 5:30 having to pee and with another headache. I took some excedrin and laid back down and tried to go back to sleep, but was unsuccessful. I did rub my muscles out though and the headache is gone, but rubbing and stretching my muscles seems to have made me very nauseous. I tried to eat a bowl of cereal, I might have gotten halfway through but it’s making me more sick to my stomach because it’s too sweet, and it’s not even that sweet! So I am up way too early, with nothing to do, because I don’t have to be at work for 3 hours, and so here I am.

I’m going to cease wearing make up to work until I get these headaches figured out because yesterday I wore make up and I had to go wash it off in the bathroom with shitty hand soap…yeah try getting waterproof eye liner and mascara off with that shit…it wasn’t easy. I looked like a raccoon for a good 10 minutes before I was able to get it all off. The soap dried out my face too. So yeah no more make up until I got this shit under control! Which is sd because I love my make up….lol

But after I washed my face, I put eye drops in and took a couple puffs off my inhaler, and then I put keys away, and all that combined seemed to help my neck and shoulders relax. See to put keys away I am standing for an extended amount of time which means up right, good posture, shoulders back, but not tensed. So it helped and the inhaler relaxed my chest. So I am kinda wondering if my asthma is worsening with this shit.

Last night I was trying to talk to my bestie…but it got frustrating, and I was like WTF? Then she tells me “I’ve been drinking” *insert eyeroll* Thanks for the warning. I told her next time let me know in advance and I won’t text you. I don’t do well with drunk people anymore. They are no longer my brethren. I don’t drink. For multiple reasons. A) It all gives me a migraine. B) I got really sick off Whiskey and have had two drinks in the years since because the look and smell of alcohol just turns my stomach(I can’t even look at a bottle of Whiskey anymore without nearly vomiting.). C) I just don’t like the feeling of being drunk anymore. So being totally sober and dealing with drunk people in person or just via text is frustrating as fuck, and I’m like…good lord, was I like that? lol My hubby drinks, but only a little, and he never gets drunk…maybe a smidge tipsy…but that’s it. Never once have I seen him drunk. Probably because of his size and everything, it would take A LOT for him to actually get drunk. Plus he is a commercial driver so he can’t drink very often, or it wouldn’t have time to get out of his system before he had to drive and he is very serious about not risking his CDL, because that’s what takes care of us…along with my job…lol

So Kevin told me yesterday that Jeanne might be starting next week. It depends on if the front desk replacement feels trained and ready to be on her own. Then will start training her for my position, I will train her how to do the tracking, and late route notifications, as well as the layover tracking. Also putting away keys and prepping them for the next day. And MAYBE teach her how to check in backhauls so we have some more help with that. And I will show her some of how to help and assist drivers with scanners/printers and how to help when they call and how to support the supervisors when they need it. I will however, remain the keymaster, and in charge of that aspect of the key room, because too many hands in the pot creates a mess, and I’ve been training on keys for 2 years. But I will begin doing things other than all that…in safety and being a liaison between drivers and HR for FMLA, Workers Comp, disability…etc. And who knows what else. 🙂 Also Kevin told me they are going to expend the area where our admins sit and put a desk in there for me. It’s in the Ops office, but not in the key room. So I will join everyone else even more and have my own desk I don’t have to share with anyone anymore. So I can finally decorate it with pics and stuff. WOOT!

2 days until my tattoos. I am so excited, I can’t contain myself…lol
(wanted to post the pic I used for my IG countdown today, but photobucket is a POS)
I used the cover of the director’s cut of “Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels”…I’m being creative with my countdown.
10 – Tenth Doctor(my fave)
9 – the movie Nine poster
8 – Lane Frost(he was a bull rider, and they have to stay on the bull for 8 seconds)
7 – Rule #7 by CK
6 – Six from Blossom
5 – Party of Five cast
4 – the 4 pics of Marilyn Monroe by Andy Warhol
3 – Three’s Company Cast
2 – Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
……….have to wait and see what the next two pics are, and yes I already have 1 picked out and Tattoo Day picked out. lol
I am so antsy in my pantsy for Sunday to get here! One of my hostlers/shuttle drivers, Roger, asked me yesterday if I had any big plans for the weekend, and I said I am getting new tattoos this weekend. :-p Then I got to tell him of what…lol

Just realized some of this post is a repeat from yesterday…lol OH WELL. I guess I just couldn’t remember because of how shitty I felt when I wrote it.

If you like either of these music genres or not(country/folk) you have to listen to these two songs to know what Portland Oregon is like…these are two of my all time fave songs:
Portland, OR by Loretta Lynn and Jack White


And,
September in Seattle by Shawn Mullins

I want the line: Portland is a small town with a bitter city smile. as a tattoo.

Those two songs are love! lol

PHOTOBUCKET is pissing me off…two days now I can’t upload photos. So I can’t share any here or on the PJ forum…and their site help says they’re working on it. Really? You can’t figure out why it is auto logging people off when they click upload???? Seriously Photobucket, get your shit together!

EDIT: because this song just came on iTunes and YOU HAVE TO HEAR IT! It’s EPIC. Steve Carlson did this song for a Funny or Die entry. I really don’t know how he was ever able to film this and sing it without dying laughing all the way through…