kinda having a tantrum right now…

So I got my hair where I want it basically, but my hair doesn’t do the same as her’s(in the pic i used), because it’s not thick and full. I was not blessed with amazing hair! It effing sucks! I hate it. Absolutely 100% fucking pissed off about it! Ruby Rose and me….

 

Then, my daughter wanted an undercut, so I gave her one, because I’m not ridiculous like my mother was, she never let me do the fun crazy stuff with my hair when I was a kid, manic panic and undercuts and all that stuff. It sucked major. So I vowed to never be that way, whatever my kid wants to do with her hair, I don’t care because it’s hair and it grows back and you can change the color…so I gave her the undercut she wanted and it turned out great, and I honestly haven’t seen my daughter this happy in a long ass time.

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She wants to re-dye it today so we will go to the store and get her some hair dye. Not sure what color she wants to do though.

And I really want a design in my hair, but I can’t do it to myself, and that sucks ass too. lol And I don’t have any hair stylist friends, or even a hair stylist in Salem, because I’ve been doing my own hair for the last 6 years.

I want this, but instead of the heart beat line, I want those waves that are in the tattoo…because PEARL JAM!

But I wouldn’t even know where to go to have this done… 😦

/end rant.

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Nightmarish…

Hubby just called, and his dad and step mom are still being ridiculous, I’m not speaking to them right now. And i did tell them what my issues are…they are judgey and preachy and make me feel like they don’t think I’m good enough at all for their family. It’s like they look down on me. I’ve told them this is how I feel in a very detailed manner and gave reasons why…they have no bothered to return the courtesy, so I am not speaking to them. Then he step mom was in town for a conference and I was sick AF with a migraine. I spent 5 hours in the ER to get treated for the damn thing…and I had just gotten home and was sitting in the recliner not talking, lights off still and looking for something mind numbing to watch on Netflix. she dropped by and was talking to Jason and Chyann for a few…asked how I was feeling and that was it I answered and said not good…and then she went home and bitched to my FIL that I didn’t speak to her and I was “Playing on my phone.” I wasn’t on my phone I was on the computer, and I felt like shit after 5 hours in the ER with the worst fucking migraine I’ve had in like 5 years. So sue me! They bitch to him about me like that but won’t address anything directly with me…and the things they bitch about…are a direct reflection of the way they treat me…if they don’t treat me like I’m good enough for their family, why would I want to engage with them???

His mom and step dad on the other hand are great! So down to earth and chill and. honestly, I prefer spending time with them.

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Also I just wanted to mention, if you see any mention of Taylor in previous posts, that is my former best friend and I ended the friendship because she was an awful friend. And I don’t know why I didn’t do it sooner. Instead I let it drag out for 20 years. And now, I feel so much better since I ended it. 20 years is way too long to try and make a friendship work or home someone will change. People don’t change unless they want to and she doesn’t because she thinks she does nothing wrong. She thinks I’m the one who is ridiculous for wanting her to treat me better as her best friend. She is self absorbed and when I tell her she’s not being a good friend, she says “I have a lot going on in my life right now.” Yeah all of which is going well for you, I have a lot of shit and I’m still a better friend. So whatever. It’s done.

I am freezing…gotta put my jacket back on. I hate that my desk is so close to the damn warehouse, I can’t wait until it’s not anymore…UGH this promotion is taking forever to get here….lol I’m so excited I just want to train my replacement, change my schedule and start my new job. Kevin still hasn’t made a decision on the new me yet though…

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So I didn’t sleep for shit last night, and it was because I kept waking up from nightmares. I can’t figure out why…I only remember two of them. And they were both Lucid dreams, which for those who don’t know means you are asleep and dreaming but completely aware of it and can even feel things in the dreams at times, but you are completely unable to wake yourself…and anytime I have a nightmare it’s a lucid one.

The first was that I met my hubby at a shoe store. And when he stood up and turned around to look at me something awful had happened to his right eye. It was all bloody and like part of it cut off and hanging on by a tread…and I do mean part of the eyeball….and what so bad here is that eye trauma makes me, not just squeamish, but completely FTFO! I just can’t handle it. Seeing it or hearing about it….i can’t do it, it makes my skin crawl.

The next was the last one I had before I woke up this morning and actually got out of bed. No part of this was based in reality at all…I was walking down the street of my neighborhood with an old lady from my block, very sweet little thing. She stumbled and collapsed in another neighbor’s driveway. I rushed to her to help her up but she was unconscious or dead…I’m not sure which because of what happened next. The garage door opened up and the guy that lived there was a cop, guy looks just like the actor Nestor Carbonell. He comes out of the garage and I start to try to explain what happened. He rips his uniform shirt off literally popping buttons and throws it and then takes off his white under shirt and throws it and he is looking crazed as hell and he reaches into his garage and grabs a machete and starts stalking towards me and I run. Leaving the old woman there. He stalks a long slowly after me and I am freaking. I run into my garage which is open and for some dumb reason that’s where I hide. I drops to my stomach and hide under a bunch of empty cardboard boxes. I think my hubby and I had just moved in, he is not home right now though. The cop comes to the old lady’s driveway and gets in her car and hot wires it or something and he sets the thing on fire from the inside and then pushes it or rolls it, whatever down to my driveway. I’m under all the boxes shaking like a leaf but I can see out through a crack between two of them, and I see the car roll up on fire and then I see him stalking closer still carrying the machete towards me and coming up towards my garage. I’m trembling like crazy afraid he’s going to find me and I shut my eyes tight to try to focus and stop trembling. But doesn’t happen. Then the boxes start moving and uncovering me and I open my eyes and scream but it’s not him, it’s my hubby. Who is not Jason, but instead Christian Kane, and he looks at me imploringly and I lunge at him and hug him and that’s when I woke up, completely out of breath just like I was in the dream. I felt everything all the real emotion, the sweating, the terror and the relief.

So I have no idea what caused all of this, but yeah…it sucked.