It’s been a crappy day…

I am just irritable AF…everyone and everything is annoying me today and I’m at work and have to keep smiling, though I’ve been on the verge of tears several different times…I have an IUD so I don’t get a period anymore, but I swear I must be PMSing….

My arch-nemesis…IE the one single driver I can’t stand because he yelled at me when I was trying to help him came in a little bit ago. I still won’t talk to him outside of what is required to do my job. But he comes in and puts his stuff on the counter…he pulled out his keys from his pocket and sets them down along with a quarter, a nickel and a penny…and says “Everything but the change.” Really, you asshat, you think I want your dirty change? WTF am I going to do with 31 cents??? He’s such an idiot….he got in trouble for talking to me that way and still has never apologized, I’ve had other drivers snap at me over the phone too, but usually within 5 minutes they call me right back and apologize…but him, it’s been like 6 months or something and still nothing. I’m over it…but really how big of an ego do you have to have that you get written up for something and still can’t admit you were wrong…?

Whatever. I’m just irritated about everything.

 

I can’t wait to go home tonight. I have acupuncture tomorrow and I pretty much plan on spending the weekend doing a whole lot of nothing important but fun stuff instead…like journaling, blogging, reading my Buddhism books and watching Doctor Who…and probably working on my Vedder Fic…yup.

Not too much adulting this weekend! lol

So I have this statement piece that I love, and got at Saturday Market in Portland. It’s a ring made out of the handle of a spoon or fork.
 photo IMG_20170428_155930.jpg
It has cranes on it…so in my new spiritual quest I decided to look up the symbolism of cranes and found a lot of cool info:

“Crane

The crane’s fidelity and mating rituals make it a common symbol for loyalty and successful marriage. Its fabled long life span also makes it a symbol of longevity.

The crane is a popular symbol in Asian culture, and the practice of folding paper cranes for good fortune, healing, happiness, and success was popularized by Sadako Sasaki, a young victim of the radiation from the Hiroshima disaster. Chains of paper cranes, often numbering a thousand in total, are given as offerings at temples and shrines. The crane is also perceived as a bird capable of flying to the very heavens, and is said to have borne spirits of the deceased there upon its back. In ancient China, the crane was used as the symbol of highest-ranking officials.

The longevity of the crane may also have caused it to be associated with a family tree or lineage. Our word pedigree may come from the French word for “foot of the crane,” or pied de grue. Legend has it that the crane’s legs grow before its wings do, suggesting that the bird has a strong tie to the ground. The crane is also associated with vigilance; it was said to keep watch on one leg while holding a stone in the other foot. The stone would drop if the crane dozed off, waking it and its companions. Heraldry (the art of designing and displaying coats of arms and other devices that identify a family or group) often shows the crane holding a stone in this way, symbolizing alertness.

In one of Aesop’s fables, a peacock laughs at the duller crane. The crane admits that it may not be as visually stunning as the peacock, but it has the capability to soar to the very heavens, whereas the peacock is stuck on the ground. The moral of the story is the commonly repeated adage,
“Fine feathers do not make a fine bird.” In Celtic myth, the crane bag, made from the skin of a crane, held many of the treasures precious to the Irish god Mannanan. One of these treasures may have been the staves of ogham, a rune-like system of writing or divination whose shapes are sometimes compared to the sticklike shape of a crane’s legs.

Omens and divinatory meaning: If you see a crane flying, it may be drawing your eyes to the heavens, lifting your spirits, and inspiring you to trust in the universe. If you see it standing, it may be advising vigilance and alertness.”
Source: http://www.beliefnet.com/wellness/environment/galleries/a-spiritual-field-guide-to-birds.aspx?p=6

I thought that was all really cool.

I am so bored at work, I guess I should start getting key sheets ready…but the light duty guy is STILL putting keys away…it’s like DANG! lol I think he’s just being super careful.

Anyway, back to work….

Advertisements

The shit hath hiteth the fan…eth

This is Bailey! She is our friend’s black lab, she is 9 years old and sooooo sweet! We are dog-sitting for the week. I told them last time, that I was keeping her, she is such a baby doll! lol
 photo IMG_20170123_194437.jpg

~_~

I think my hubby and I have the same thing…we are both sick and feel like “hot garbage” as he puts it. My throat is scratchy, and I’m a little achey. He is feeling even worse than me though. Hopefully I don’t get worse…

Work was actually, surprisingly, not so bad today. Only a few late routes and one issue that a driver called about. That is unusual for the way the past month and a half have been. With the stupid weather, snow and ice and the holidays and then the new bids going into effect. So it was a nice reprieve.

Chyann turned in an “essay” to her teacher on connections, and it’s a joke…she didn’t write paragraphs, she spaced down for every sentence, she center aligned it. She didn’t fix any of the things her teacher marked from the first draft. It was supposed to be MLA format…I see “Chyann format”…she did it the way she wanted and didn’t give a shit. She didn’t bother to ask for help…OMG, Jason is correcting it right now. And she is giving her same pissy attitude she always gives because we are telling her she was wrong. I made her shut the damn TV off. I am so sick of being talked to the way she talks to us. If I had talked to my mother that way I would have been popped in the mouth. In fact on more than one occasion that did happen. She has no respect for anyone. I am so sick of her bullshit. She is angry at her biological mother and translates to being a horrid person to everyone all the time.

I know what it’s like to be abandoned by a parent, but I never acted anything like her because of the anger I grew up with towards my father. I wasn’t disrespectful to my parents, I didn’t treat people like they were stupid or their feelings didn’t matter…she does. She doesn’t really care about anyone, she just sucks up and says her “I love you mommy” or “I love you daddy” when she thinks it will get her something. She is a manipulative, angry, self absorbed little bitch! I know she has problems, but OMG, she is not willing to work on them. She doesn’t really think she needs help or that there is anything wrong with the way she behaves. She’s right, we’re wrong, she knows everything, we are stupid. And yes, I know some of that is typical teenage attitude, but mixed with all her other bullshit, it gets old really fucking fast!

I am so over dealing with her. She doesn’t care about me or my feelings, she treats me like I’m trash, but she expects me to kiss the fucking ground she walks on…not fucking happening, I’m done playing nice.

God, I am in a bad fucking mood now.

I don’t know how I’m as fucking “balanced” as I am with all the crap my family put me through, all the shit that happened outside my family, growing up with the kind of mother I did, growing up without a father, high school shit, ex boyfriend shit, and now her shit for the past three years, and that compounded with Keyton and his baggage, Jason and I fighting all the time because of the stress we’re both under with all this shit and our jobs. He and I both feel like the other doesn’t care…I said not so long ago I feel like she and he would be just as happy if I wasn’t around. I don’t know about him, but I am firm in that opinion of Chyann, she would be happier with just her dad, no me and no Keyton. She makes that clear in the way she treats me and talks to me.

She doesn’t want to get better, she doesn’t care about doing good in school…she is acting like this connections academy isn’t really shool and it doesn’t count…I’m sorry but yes, she is getting graded. It’s just as real as going to an actual school.

Seriously though, it’s bullshit and I’m sick of being screamed at by my teenage daughter…tired of being treated like shit, lied to, tricked, manipulated to see what she wants us to see instead of what it really going on(ie her sneaking out on a regular basis)…it’s all fucking total bullshit…I’m so sick of it, I am pissed and right now this is my feeling toward her…
 photo Screenshot_2017-01-23-21-16-29.jpg

She can’t handle anything not going right or her way, she gets pissed off and storms around stomping her feet. It’s like she is throwing a 2 year old tantrum. She’s 15…you get how terrible this is? She turns mole hills into mountains. She literally broke down into tears over a pencil breaking while she was drawing the other day. She dropped her lipgloss on the carpet at Trillium when she was still there, (mind you I spent 5 bucks buying her a Stitch Tsum Tsum lip smacker) and she was ready to throw it away. She had it for about 45 minutes at this point…it was the end of the fucking world…complete and total mental breakdown over dropping lipgloss which could be washed or rinsed off. Seriously?

Its all this shit, her attitude, her mouth, her behavior, the way she treats us(Jason and Me as well as Keyton). She makes it clear she hates Keyton. She said outloud, “He’s not family.” she is mean to him. Yes he is awnry and naughty towards her, but he is 6, she is 15, she knows better. If he’s not family, then neither am I. And I’m just about at my breaking point with her. I really need to talk to him about this.

I have to go get Keyton in bed…