More Than I Deserve…

My hubby is definitely more than I deserve, and I love him more than anything. Sometimes I am afraid he’ll wake up one day and realize that he is more than I deserve…and that’s a scary thought. I don’t *really* think that’s going to happen, but sometimes the thought crosses my mind. I didn’t write this, Christian Kane did…and if I recall correctly it was with Steve Carlson…but either way, every time I hear this song…I just think of the fact that, my hubby is more than I deserve and this song is so accurate…

Livin’ with me, it ain’t easy
But I do it every day
Sometimes even now
I wanna run away
But there you are
You’re tryin’ to please me
Yeah you stand your ground
It’s more than I deserve

I’ve taken more than I’ve been givin’
I’ve taken for granted this life I’m livin’
I don’t know why heaven above
Blessed me with your sweet love
Though I never tell you what you’re worth
It’s more than I deserve

I love my husband more than anything, and I hope he does know that. I do tell him, but I hope he knows it’s true and honest and I’m not just saying it because that’s what you do…


On another note, HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY to all the moms out there…whether I know you or not, thank you for all that you do for your children.

This is a four generations picture, my mamaw on my left(right of the photo), my mom on my right(left of the photo), myself(center), and my baby girl in front of me. It was a nice day with family. ❤ ❤ ❤





My Last Love…

So I rambled on last night about my first love and just vented today about the best friend who is no more…I think I want to share about the amazing man I did marry and who is the love of my life.

Jason…We met on OK Cupid…and we fell in love fast…He told me he loved me after 2 weeks and I screamed it back. I met his ENTIRE family at his sister’s wedding after 3 weeks and we were engaged after 3 months…we got married on our 1 year anniversary.

We’ve been together 8 years and married 7 years on August 7th this year. He’s amazing. He can handle me, my craziness…below are Tim McGraw Lyrics that fit me very well because of my bipolar:
The urge to run, the restlessness
The heart of stone I sometimes get
The things I’ve done for foolish pride
The me that’s never satisfied
The face that’s in the mirror when I don’t like what I see

And none of that scared my hubby away. Telling him I was bipolar didn’t scare him away, and that had scared a lot of guys away. One even freaked and then a week later tried to apologize and say he was sorry and wanted another chance…I was like EFF YOU!

My hubby reassures me, he does dirty work so I don’t have to, he works hard to take care of me. He takes on the big things and let me do the easier things. He has taken care of the finances for years because of how I felt about it because of what happened when I was home with my mom and working and I basically just couldn’t pay for everything and I was working my ass off and was near bankruptcy. But I am trying to be more involved in that aspect now. I want it to be equal and I want us to share.

We have had a bad couple of years with having to take my cousin in for a year and a half and everything going bat shit crazy with Chyann but we are trying to get us back to a better place. I love him more than anything.

At his sister’s wedding we slow danced for the first time…to this epic song. It is our song.

And no matter what happens, I will always be faithfully his. I want to share my life with him and have a baby with him and grow old together. He is the only one for me.

When I fell in love with Jason, I understood this song…

To Make You Feel My Love – Garth Brooks

I will love him until my last breath.

And maybe you’re thinking all this is mushy non-sense, but for me it is the honest truth.

Long week…

Been a long ass week.
Sunday I had to drive to Southern Oregon to take Chyann’s sister back to her dad. That was a long ass 5 hours, there and back. I almost fell asleep, I swear!
Monday I had to leave work early because of a migraine.
Tuesday I worked an extra hour to make up time, but was headache free.
Wednesday I woke with another migraine at around 2:30, it was finally gone around 13:00.
Thursday I worked an extra hour and then at home, I went and got dinner last night for Chyann and I at this local mexican place, Tony’s Taco Shop…which I love, and I had a burrito and donuts for dessert(as J had bought a bucket(yes you read that right) of Voodoo Doughnuts)…I was feeling fine when I went to bed, then woke up at 2am sick as hell and spent 30 mins puking my guts out in the bathroom. And I’m not the kind of person who can puke just because they need to…nope, I have to physically stick a finger down my throat and gag myself. Yeah last night was fun!
Today, it is windy AF out and has caused all kinds of problems everywhere. Took me 45 mins to get to work which usually takes 25. I get here and our system is down, internet, and everything we use is internet based, so we are dead in the water. We have no way of tracking anyone, so it finally comes back up at like 10:40 and then lasts about 20 minutes and we lose EVERYTHING, Power, phones, internet, back up generator kicks on but phones are still dead for 20 mins…then it comes back up again…and so far it’s working.
I have to work tomorrow too…to make up time for Monday….BLAH!

BUT…really cool news, I finally caved, and tomorrow after I work, I have my first acupuncture appointment. I am hoping maybe it will bring some relief for these headaches.
My Sleep study PART 2 isn’t until May 25th, and I’m not seeing my headache doctor again until June 5th, kind of frustrated about that because its so damn far away, and I want to talk to my headache doctor about new meds because these aren’t working. I want to see if she can prescribe Benadryl injections for migraine treatment when I get one because at the ER they gave me that and it worked to break one I’d had for 3 days straight.

So Chyann is being treated like an adult now…we’re doing this experiment for the next 3 months and see how things go…so until the 4th of July…at least. She wants to be an adult and make adult type decisions that she really is not prepared for…then she can do that and also make all her other decisions and deal with any consequences that arise on her own. We are out of ideas on how else to get through to her. I mean when you’ve tried everything, literally EVERYTHING and she just won’t get with it, or even act like she gives a shit…then you have to get extreme. One of my drivers said not to feel bad about doing it…it’s just some tough love and sometimes that’s what you have to do. I talk to them a lot. Most of them are good guys.

Yesterday though, one called in ANGRY and left an anon voicemail for the router who routed his route yesterday….to say this vm was colorful is a VAST understatement, it was OUTRIGHT offensive and completely uncalled for because it wasn’t the router’s fault this time. Anyway, The routers came and got me because I talk to the driver’s most often and asked me if I would know the voice from listening to the voicemail and I said probably. And I did….so I had to identify the driver, and I like the guy, but he is a hot head…and what he did was completely inappropriate…even if it had been routing’s fault…(which I will admit, most of the time it is). However, this time there was nothing routed badly, he just got behind so one of his stops wouldn’t take him during their lunch rush and when he went back to that stop he was 3.5 hours behind. This was his own doing though….or from some sort of circumstances which had nothing to do with the way he was routed…he’s going to get written up, most likely suspended and possibly even fired. It’s like really, was it work that?

My MIL, the one I like and get along with sent my daughter and I some little trinkets from a trip to Sedona, AZ with her sister.
I am in love with this ring!
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Ghostbeads, these are a Navajo tradition, they are believed to protect you from evil spirits.
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Then I made this today for Foxy Friday, because tom Hardy is THE FOX! You know I love him! hehe And I was bored while the system at work was down…lol
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And now I have to pee, so I’m gonna go do that…lol


New Snapchat filter…and I love it! This photo is awesome!

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I couldn’t really pierce my septum though…but I do want my nose redone…

When your flirt game is on point…you make and send shit like this to your Hubby….I’m so clever…lol :-p

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Sometimes, my husband and my step-daughter, make me feel like they would be perfectly happy without me here. Last night was one such time. I feel ignored, neglected, not cared about and like my presence just doesn’t matter.

I talked to both of them today about this, but I don’t know how, when or if things will improve…

We all need a lot of help.

I’m going to watch my Mockingjay now…