Been a little while…

So a bunch of crap going on with my daughter still.

Found out my Pearl Piggy, my ACD, is deaf. She is my little love! We are going to start working with hand signals to train her. We kinda thought she just didn’t inherit the Heeler intelligence because she is a mix. And I told some people that and that we thought that because after 2 years she didn’t know her name still. They suggested she might be deaf. That thought had never even crossed our minds, because she reacts to things. But we discovered after watching her, she reacts when she sees Autzen, our other dog react, or because she can feel a vibration, such as the vibration when one of our cars pulls up in the driveway. so the vet did some tests yesterday and said her ears flinched but there was no other reaction so he thinks she can hear some frequency but most likely is nearly completely deaf. Someone else told me she needs to be BAER tested, but that really only determines just HOW deaf she is…we already know she is deaf…and it makes so much sense now why she has been so hard to train. I feel the BAER test would just be a waste of money. I don’t really care HOW deaf she is, I just know she is deaf.

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And I got my Pearl Jam tattoo completed. I added Stickman to my three crooked hearts. ❤

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More Than I Deserve…

My hubby is definitely more than I deserve, and I love him more than anything. Sometimes I am afraid he’ll wake up one day and realize that he is more than I deserve…and that’s a scary thought. I don’t *really* think that’s going to happen, but sometimes the thought crosses my mind. I didn’t write this, Christian Kane did…and if I recall correctly it was with Steve Carlson…but either way, every time I hear this song…I just think of the fact that, my hubby is more than I deserve and this song is so accurate…

Livin’ with me, it ain’t easy
But I do it every day
Sometimes even now
I wanna run away
But there you are
You’re tryin’ to please me
Yeah you stand your ground
It’s more than I deserve

I’ve taken more than I’ve been givin’
I’ve taken for granted this life I’m livin’
I don’t know why heaven above
Blessed me with your sweet love
Though I never tell you what you’re worth
It’s more than I deserve

I love my husband more than anything, and I hope he does know that. I do tell him, but I hope he knows it’s true and honest and I’m not just saying it because that’s what you do…

~*~*~*~

On another note, HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY to all the moms out there…whether I know you or not, thank you for all that you do for your children.

This is a four generations picture, my mamaw on my left(right of the photo), my mom on my right(left of the photo), myself(center), and my baby girl in front of me. It was a nice day with family. ❤ ❤ ❤

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Yoü And I

So while the video is completely fucked up and honestly makes no sense with the song…this is my favorite Lady Gaga song…I effing love it!

It’s honestly to me, such an incredible song. And ignore the video, and listen to the lyrics…it’s a pure love song. That’s what I love about it.

Yoga for headaches

So I noticed yesterday that my body has this natural tendency to curl in on itself and tense up. Thus causing me debilitating headaches. I’ve had migraines since I was 8 years old. And I’ve been going to a chiropractor since then, and I’ve been to multiple doctors about it and been referred to numerous neurologists. Those idiots did CT, MRIs and other strange scans of my head and when that all came back normal, I was basically told “I don’t know, you’re SOL.” Yeah, 5 different Neurologists all did the same thing. Finally I’ve been referred to a neurologist who specializes in headaches. She’s trying all kinds of things. She actually has ideas and thoughts on what’s the underlying issue. It’s a relief after 34 years to finally find that.

So aside from things she’s referring me to try, I’m also doing things on my own. I started acupuncture, I changed my diet to gluten free, I’ve started taking supplements that are supposed to help and I began Yoga this morning. I found about 13 yoga poses for headache sufferers. I felt a ton better after I did them this morning. Then I went and worked in the yard for 3 hours and that was exhausting but good, so after I showered, I got on the floor and did the yoga poses again.

Yoga for Headaches – HuffPost

Yoga for Headaches – PopSugar

If you’re a headache sufferer, whether tension or migraine, try those articles. They help. And I’ve always been anti-yoga because I have no balance, or grace…i’m clumsy and fall over when I try to do some of it, but these are all sitting/laying poses. No grace required.

Definitely going to be doing this at least every morning and every night before bed.

I gotta say, I’m an old fashioned kinda person in a lot of ways…and in a quest to solve these headaches, I am finding myself becoming more and more “new agey”. I started acupuncture, I went gluten free and now I’m doing yoga…lol I think it’s pretty funny.

Well, here is something about me that will never change. I love Pearl Jam, I worship at their alter, I bow before them…and I’m gonna go and relax and listen to my boys!
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My Last Love…

So I rambled on last night about my first love and just vented today about the best friend who is no more…I think I want to share about the amazing man I did marry and who is the love of my life.

Jason…We met on OK Cupid…and we fell in love fast…He told me he loved me after 2 weeks and I screamed it back. I met his ENTIRE family at his sister’s wedding after 3 weeks and we were engaged after 3 months…we got married on our 1 year anniversary.

We’ve been together 8 years and married 7 years on August 7th this year. He’s amazing. He can handle me, my craziness…below are Tim McGraw Lyrics that fit me very well because of my bipolar:
The urge to run, the restlessness
The heart of stone I sometimes get
The things I’ve done for foolish pride
The me that’s never satisfied
The face that’s in the mirror when I don’t like what I see

And none of that scared my hubby away. Telling him I was bipolar didn’t scare him away, and that had scared a lot of guys away. One even freaked and then a week later tried to apologize and say he was sorry and wanted another chance…I was like EFF YOU!

My hubby reassures me, he does dirty work so I don’t have to, he works hard to take care of me. He takes on the big things and let me do the easier things. He has taken care of the finances for years because of how I felt about it because of what happened when I was home with my mom and working and I basically just couldn’t pay for everything and I was working my ass off and was near bankruptcy. But I am trying to be more involved in that aspect now. I want it to be equal and I want us to share.

We have had a bad couple of years with having to take my cousin in for a year and a half and everything going bat shit crazy with Chyann but we are trying to get us back to a better place. I love him more than anything.

At his sister’s wedding we slow danced for the first time…to this epic song. It is our song.

And no matter what happens, I will always be faithfully his. I want to share my life with him and have a baby with him and grow old together. He is the only one for me.
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When I fell in love with Jason, I understood this song…

To Make You Feel My Love – Garth Brooks

I will love him until my last breath.

And maybe you’re thinking all this is mushy non-sense, but for me it is the honest truth.

When it’s over…

So I got a couple posts in me today…first I need to actually say my peace about the BFF that is no more…

It was a lot of one sidedness…I would show that I was happy or sad for her and would give of myself…I didn’t get that in return and with certain relationships she was an even shittier friend. A college boyfriend of her almost brought me to tears for no reason other than he was a complete and utter douchebag….and she said nothing to him about it. Her almost ex husband would butt into our conversations and be outright nasty to me saying mean and ugly things, and I don’t know why to be honest other than as it turns out he was a HUGE steaming pile of shit…and her response to him when he did this was to just laugh. Now with her new relationship…every conversation we were having…anything I said involving myself or my family was completely ignored and she would only talk about him and his kids and how happy they were…and great I’m all for that…but why are you ignoring anything I say that doesn’t revolve around you? Her response was “I have a lot going on in my life right now.” ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? And I don’t? Why else would I be trying to talk to my best friend….and I got nothing…then she continued to send me snapchats all self involved with that relationship and I asked her why? She said she was sending them to everyone. I said well stop, in case you haven’t figured out I’m pissed and everything you’re snapping to me only further proves my point! This was answered with “You’re being ridiculous.”

“You’re being ridiculous.”

That was my breaking point.

I spent 20 years being a great friend and when we fought…I was the one who apologized. When her husband cheated on her, I let her come stay with my family for a while. She didn’t want to work, or have any help in figuring out how to manage the little money she did have, she just sat around and moped, and yes I know her life had just fallen apart but we were trying to help. She also kept throwing my daughter under the bus…tattling on her like a little sister tattles…so we told her she had to go stay with her mom. We didn’t talk for a few months and then again…I was the one who went first. I apologized…she never did.

I’ve been afraid to actually cut her off because that’s just me, I give and I’m caring and I hate losing people. But to be told that I’m being ridiculous because I think my best friend should reciprocate the care and everything that I show her and maybe be a little less self involved…show me some support…no I’m sorry I’m done. I will not continue to sit here and be shit on.

Am I sad? Hell yes, my heart is broken…but I have to think about myself…and I’m going to be selfish and ridiculous and continue to operate under the thought that a friendship should be an equal two way street of give and take. I’m done. She still hasn’t tried to contact me…so whatever.

Today I decided to work out some aggression towards her and get some good shit for my ArtisticRageTherapy instagram page…

So I decided to light some shit on FIRE!!!

The first is a page she made for my Wreck This Journal. I cut it back out and burned it…then she made this Perler Bead Ariel to look like my tattoo of Ariel…I melted the fuck out of it!

And I gotta say I feel so much better! I needed that!

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And my personal favorite…right there in the trash with the cat shit!
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I also wrecked the page I had made for us in my smashbook.
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Good Riddance…